


I Told You I Was Out of Shape

by arcaladiwoompa



Series: Magic and Cheating [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges and Nooks, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Captorcest - Freeform, Desperation, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hermaphroditic Trolls, M/M, Multiple Penetration, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Size Difference, Xenobiology, ancestorcest, sex with psionics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6023052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcaladiwoompa/pseuds/arcaladiwoompa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey Sollux, you don’t really want to flip pitch for me like Nashok is being obnoxiously unsubtle about right?”</p><p>“Not really…”  He fidgets shyly around something unspoken.</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“I actually do want to know who wins.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Told You I Was Out of Shape

Nashok has been trying to provoke you all week. Sure you and Sollux can be assholes to each other and joke at each other’s expense sometimes, but there’s nothing mean spirited about it. It’s just a hallmark of your increasing comfort around each other. You pull Sollux aside to have a word with him and shove Nashok away with your psionics so he can’t butt in.

“Hey Sollux, you don’t really want to flip pitch for me like Nashok is being obnoxiously unsubtle about right?”

“Not really…” He fidgets shyly around something unspoken.

“But?”

“I actually do want to know who wins.”

Your face lights up with mischief, all pretense of having a quiet private conversation forgotten. “ _Oh_ , you’ve been itching for a little bit of friendly competition this whole time? Well why didn’t you say so! Let’s put on a nice light show for him, shall we? What’s the prize if I win?”

Flushing hotly, Sollux leans in to whisper in your ear. Your eyes go wide. “Whoa you don’t fuck around.”

Nashok snorts with disapproval, making it clear that he doesn’t enjoy being left out. Heh.

“ _Fine_ , I’ll repeat it for you, but only because you’re our referee by default. The loser has to wear psionic restraints and get off with an empty nook. Sollux, you kinky bastard. I can’t help but wonder where those genetics came from. So. Rules? Nook is out of bounds, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah, and no flying where NK can’t see.”

“Well shit, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of options around here.” Throughout as much of your escape as possible you’ve stuck to forested areas specifically to keep out of sight. “Let’s put him in a tree.”

Nashok frowns deeply but does not comment. By now he knows that if he wants to get his way he has to concede to an indignity or two.

“It has to be a bifurcated tree. With a split in the middle of the trunk.”

“Definitely. A couple of shitty twigs aren’t going to hold _his_ bulky ass up for long.”

“Ehehe.”

“Be careful not to get blown away by a stiff breeze,” Nashok snipes back at you dryly.

The three of you meander around for a few minutes trying to find a suitable tree. He refuses to let either of you float him up the trunk, choosing instead to climb up with his own claws. He manages quite easily and nimbly, and you get a nice view of his ass along the way.

“Hey, shout if we’re getting too far away. So Sollux, any other rules?”

“No bribing the referee with sex until _after_ the fight is over. First one to lost control of his psionics loses. First one flat on the ground also loses. Fair?”

“Deal. Alright this is your last chance to back out.”

“Prepare to eat dirt, old man.”

“Not if I schoolfeed your punk ass first.”

Then Sollux flashes a smile at you and takes off flying in zigzags among the tree trunks. Oh _that’s_ cocky, he thinks he can outfly _you_ of all people? You’re bloody famous for the ability to fly circles around _anyone_ , anywhere, at any time of night. Granted that was in a battleship among planets, moons and asteroids and this is just you and the local topography in a gravitational field that only pulls downward, with a magnetic field in your horns and the wind in your hair. You could fly up into the canopy where the branches are thinner and catch up to him in a straight line, but that would be missing the point entirely. Your descendant is showing off and he clearly expects you to do the same. You launch yourself after him with a wide grin and a mad gleam in your eye.

_The night is a sweltering steam bath. There is a stiff breeze in the First Ship’s sails, which means you don’t have to do shit. So you do the logical thing and hurl yourself over the railing into the surf. You play tag with the dolphins, scare away the flying fish, taunt every last shark lusus that tries to eat you, and splash the everloving fuck out of everybody. Dis _hates_ getting her hair wet and she is going to give you such a solid ass kicking later. Signless is trying so hard not to laugh his whole face has gone red. It was a mistake to get saltwater on Rosa’s fancy gown; she sends you into the galley to go and shell grubs because you _clearly_ have too much time on your claws. She may think your fun is over for now, but that sure isn’t about to stop you from belting out the filthy drinking song you just learned at the last port._

Shit, how long has it been? How could you forget how much _fun_ it is to fly somewhere for no particular reason and with no particular destination, just because you can? You let out a whoop of delight as you twist and somersault through the air like a dizzy dragonfly in a windstorm. Your surroundings blur past your eyes so quickly that your think pan skips straight to Twofold Vision to preempt a crash. Swerving left and right with practiced ease, you catch up to your descendant at such frightening speed that he lets out a startled shriek when you suddenly cut him off right in front of his face. Oh hello Sollux, have you not learned to do that yet? He can’t brake in time to avoid running straight into you and you catch him in your arms with a victorious cackle. The momentary shock on his face only makes it funnier, then Nashok lets out a distant, irritated bellow for you to come back where he can see you, Sollux snorts and bursts into a giggle fit, and before you know it you can’t stop howling with laughter like you haven’t felt in _centuries_. You could have pinned him to the ground and ended the challenge right then and there if you were thinking straight, but you can barely even stay _afloat_ like this. The two of you make your way back toward Nashok’s tree in a series of drunken collisions, not unlike a pair of moths around a lamp.

By the time you get there you’ve mostly recovered and all you want to do is grab Sollux by the grub scars and kiss him. Oh wait, this fight isn’t over. Sollux comes back to his senses faster than you, and as soon as he catches Nashok’s eye he pulls out of your loose grip and tries to tip you over with his psionics. You react just in time to keep from planting your face in the dirt, but the momentum has carried you into floating upside down. It’s really hard to concentrate on pushing back when you’re overtaken by a fresh gale of laughter that has you doubling over in midair, making you spin even faster. You regain control, right yourself and throw a pressure wave at Sollux that makes him skid backward in his tracks. Every time Sollux ups the ante you push back harder to make him stumble. He can’t win at this game; you have him beat for raw power.

Except for one thing – Sollux knows you think with your nook. He switches tactics, aiming the brunt of his psionics at the muscles of your lower back, rolling upward to the back of your neck in hot, insistent waves. Oh no, your weakness! A momentary lapse in attention is enough for your psionics to sputter out and let him overpower you. You’ve already lost, but Sollux keeps going until he can make it glaringly obvious to Nashok. He has successfully kneaded you into a drooling puddle of mush. Now all he has to do is let go and you sink gracelessly onto your face. _Ahhh._ You have to admit this is a pretty good way to suffer total defeat. You roll over onto your back and sprawl out comfortably so you can get a good view of Sollux’s face. “You win,” you chirr, beckoning him closer. “Now come over here and conquer me.”

Sollux is exhilarated, his eyes wide and bright. He hesitates, seemingly unable to decide whether to be smug about his victory or shy about what he wants to do to you. It’s so cute and pitiful and you are eager to get your hands all over him. He lets out a surprised gasp as you scoop him up with your psionics without warning, float him over and pour him out across your chest. “Hey that’s cheating!”

“Well then I guess you’d better hurry up and put the restraints- ooh Sollux that feels really good.” Straddling your chest, he leans forward and grabs your larger horns like handles and pushes current into you hard. You offer no resistance at all. As you arch up and unsheathe, he reaches over to pull the restraints out of Nashok’s pack and slip them on over your horns. You grab him by the ass on both sides, pulling him even farther forward until he loses his balance. He reflexively lets go of your horns as he topples over onto his hands. You yank him forward right into your face and suck at the lips of his nook, minding your fangs even more carefully with him than you do with Nashok. Sollux unsheathes with a satisfying yelp. Your bulges twist sinuously around each other and you purr. 

By the time he manages to pull himself off you with a great effort of will, he’s so slick he drips down your chin like ice cream. “Psii.” You like the buzzing undertone he adds to your name, the way his legs tremble slightly, the way he has to take a series of deep calming breaths before he can focus on what he wants to express. “I want to hear you. I want to take you apart and put you back together, and NK is going to help me.”

“I am going to enjoy this,” Nashok purrs, watching you closely.

The malicious glint in his eye would send a shiver of anticipation down your spine if you were paying any attention to him at all, but you can’t, not when Sollux has draped himself over you and is licking his own lubricating fluids off your lips. _Fuck_ , that goes straight to your nook. You grab him by the outer horns, wrap your legs around his waist and make out with him because you absolutely can’t help yourself. Sollux humors you for just long enough to leave you breathless. He has other plans for you, and as he shifts over to enact them his bulges slowly slip away from yours, leaving you aching to chase after his touch. You are far more surprised than you should be to find his caresses suddenly and rudely replaced by Nashok’s rough hand on your bulges. Taking full advantage of your inattention, Nashok tugs you forward until you’re right underneath him where he wants you to be. You make a small high pitched chirp; that hurt in such a good way. He sits on you, nook muscles contracting in waves to pull you in deep.

Then he stops as Sollux gets his attention, unsuccessfully trying to distract him into relinquishing his position by groping his horn beds. “Hey that’s not what I moved for. Roll over NK.”

“Like a trained barkbeast?” Nashok rumbles with enjoyment. “Why don’t you _make_ me?” His smile widens and his eyes go half-lidded as you quietly snarl with impatience and lash your bulges inside him, trying to get his attention back.

“Because you’re stuffing Psii into your seedflap and he’s got psionic restraints on, you asshole. Do you want my bulges in you or not?”

“There is an important distinction to make…”

“ _Yes_ , you greedy bulge guzzler, this does eventually involve four fucking bulges at the same fucking time, and your delicate ‘noble’ sensibilities can go fuck a quillbeast. I can’t believe you pailed a real matesprit without ever having to say what you wanted aloud.”

“Take the offer,” you pant into your Engineeradicator’s chest, kneading at his grub scars with your claws.

Nashok briefly considers pursuing Sollux’s barb into a full-blown argument but in the end he decides it’s in his better interest to comply. “Very well.” He drops the line of conversation with nothing more than an offended snort, stretching out on his side and taking you along with him.

Sollux tucks himself in close behind you. You were expecting his bulges to squeeze in beside yours right away, but instead he slips lower down your back, trailing delicate kisses along the sensitive skin of your biowire scars. _Wow_ , that feels like distilled pity with a heaping helping of trust. The raw emotion of it is enough to make you gasp and whine and cling to Nashok for support. “Sollux, _Sollux_! You’re amazing, don’t stop!” 

You’re not sure if it was your wild arching, the increasingly uncoordinated thrashing of your bulges or the pleading tone in your voice that did it, but all at one Nashok’s bulge is keenly interested in finding a nook to bury itself in, sliding tantalizingly out of reach between your inner thighs. He nibbles at your right outer horn with a low trill that resonates into your skull. Nashok’s hands slide low in between your bodies, half prying apart your ass cheeks, half prying apart the dripping lips of your untouched nook. His claws come so teasingly close along your inner thighs that it makes you want to scream. 

Reaching the small of your back, Sollux lavishes attention on your largest scar. The tapered point of his cleverly darting tongue draws out exactly the right balance between searing pain and a hot, tingly sort of pleasure. He purrs into your skin and makes all your nerve endings sing. Oh _god_ , oh _right there_ , the two of them are going to make this challenge _easy_.

That, of course, is when the punishment really starts. Sollux abruptly abandons your biowire scars, moving back up along your body so he can bury his bulges in Nashok alongside yours instead. There are now three bulges sliding maddeningly close to the lips of your nook, just out of reach no matter how hard you squirm. Nashok plows into Sollux, drawing delicious sounds out of him on every stroke. You work hard and fast into Nashok’s seed flap while coiled around Sollux’s bulges like a pair of springs, and the way Nashok arches against you with a throaty buzz makes your nook walls clench around nothing. You can’t touch yourself with your psionics. None of this is _enough_. Frustrated and bereft, you screech louder than both of them.

“Is there a problem, Captor?” Nashok purrs into your ear.

Sollux reaches down to fondle the sheath of your bulge, chirping irresistible half-whispered encouragements into your opposite ear. They both want to hear exactly the same thing.

“More, please more!” you moan shamelessly. “Please, fuck, I was so close!”

Satisfied, Nashok rolls all of you over in one complex maneuver. Sollux is squished underneath you at the bottom of the heap, but by now Nashok has coiled far enough into his seed flap that he no longer gives a flying fuck about anything. Nashok sits on your thighs, plants the heels of his palms on your upper abdomen and throws all of his weight right into your inner slurry cavity. Finally, _finally_ here’s something you might be able to get off on if you try hard enough. Your eyes go wide and you completely lose your train of thought.

Roaring with pleasure as your bulges twist into a stranglehold around his globes, Nashok kneads at your globes through layers of skin and muscle to the rhythm of his long, full thrusts into Sollux’s slurry cavity. Sollux screeches his way through an orgasm and several aftershocks. Nashok’s rhythm becomes more forceful and erratic until the combined effort of your thrashing, squeezing and begging coaxes one out of him too. His whole body is wracked by spasms of pleasure, but the only thing that matters to you is that his hands keep going.

Your pleas are increasingly louder, more pathetic, and less coherent. You still feel so desperately empty it hits you by surprise when your globes give a good hard clench. You writhe and wail and when the high wears off a few seconds later you squirm with dissatisfaction through a thick haze of euphoria. As you sprawl on your back and try to catch your breath, Nashok lays down on his side next to you looking very smug and satisfied. He watches you intently, purring as his thumbs rub gentle circles over the sore spot he left with his hands. There will be a bruise there in a few hours. Sollux wraps his arms around your waist and tucks his chin up against your shoulder. You welcome the soothing warmth radiating from his body. It takes a while to unscramble your think pan enough to string a sentence together. “Can I take these off now?” You whine at Sollux.

“You were so good, so hot,” Sollux purrs, soft and shy, as he casually steals Nashok’s pack and unclasps the psionic restraints for you. It was all worthwhile to hear how _pleased_ he sounds. As soon as he’s finished you close your eyes and send a tendril of psionics spiraling up the walls of your nook. You tip your head back and let out a low groan of pleasure. It’s not as good as a bulge or two would have been, but you’re not sure you could handle any more just yet- that is, until Sollux joins you and a second tendril of psionics curls into the gaps you left in your spiral. He plays with your energy, pushing it, pulling it and bending it to his will in unexpected ways. Suddenly you’re not so much touching yourself as playing tug of war inside your own nook. It feels _amazing_. You wriggle a tendril of psionics into Sollux’s nook to invite him to the party.

Controlling two tiny slivers of psionics at once should be child’s play, but the _effects_ of those two tiny slivers make it incrementally harder to stay focused. The more distracted you get, the more your psionic tendrils accidentally blur together with his. Things start to get _really_ interesting when they completely merge. And by _interesting_ , you mean you’re screaming Sollux’s name and falling out of sync after less than a second of the pulsing, crackling, erratically repeating interference pattern that heats you up from the inside.

Sollux clings to you, buzzing loudly. “Holy _shit_ ,” he rasps with rebellious vocal chords.

“Holy shit,” you echo, turning on your side to face him. “Let’s try that again.”

You try again slowly, easing up your power at first. It takes a bit of experimenting to intentionally create stable wave harmonics and find a good balance between pleasure and concentration, but when you do, you never want to stop. You could lie here forever sampling every amplitude and frequency, strumming beautiful music from the muscles of your seed flap to Sollux’s globes and back again. Your nook clenches around solid light as if trying to swallow it deeper.

Then Nashok decides he wants attention. He’s either trying to squash both of you or trying to reinvent physics in a way that will somehow allow him to wedge his ridiculous bulk in between you while breathing your air and groping a handful of ex-helmsman ass in each frond. Needless to say your delicate balancing act instantly flies out the metaphorical window. “Oh _fuck you_ , I thought you were _done_ getting off on my suffering for the night!”

“Thanks for ruining everything NK,” Sollux hisses at him, too frustrated to care that it comes out as a lisp. “Some of us are _trying_ to concentrate, you hulking douchepan.”

“You two appear to be doing something very interesting with your psionics that is invisible to the outside observer. I would be very interested to learn all about it, from a purely scientific perspective of course.”

Don’t you already have a massive textbook about wave harmonics lying around somewhere? Great jack off material. Go find a nice fat nook worm and fuck yourself.” With a dismissive wave of your hand, you float Nashok out of the way and get back down to business. Rolling onto Sollux, you entwine your bulges with his, relishing your new point of contact.

Nashok undulates the tip of his bulge into your field of vision. “I had something rather different in mind.”

“ _Now_ you want to give me your bulge?”

“Yes, while you keep up your phase harmonics experiment with your matesprit.”

He pauses to let the idea seep into your think pan, sprouting countless filthy imaginings of how mind blowing it would feel to have his bulge spreading wide the entire length of your nook and inner slurry cavity while encased in a thrumming halo of electricity. You have serious doubts about whether you can pull this off, but just the thought of _trying_ makes you want to grab hold of Nashok’s bulge with your psionics and shove it in there yourself. Why does tempting fate have to be so tempting? “…What if I said no?”

“Then you would miss the opportunity to prove to me that I can let you off the hook without psionic restraints while I’m coiled so tightly around your globes you could set this entire forest ablaze.”

He’s seriously willing to take that chance? You skeptically lower your eyebrows. “Wait, you trust me?”

“Show me what you’ve got, Captor.”

“Fuck, that is _unbelievably_ hot. Alright, no sudden moves Nashok. I mean it.” Nashok is cautious as he accepts your invitation. He slips in behind you to slide the edge of his bulge back and forth over the lips of your nook, chirring at the hum of mingled electricity leaking out from the edges. You grit your teeth around a low buzz. You were prepared for the way he makes your nook throb with want, and the test to your concentration gradually fades as you get used to the sensation.

Sollux claims your attention next, guiding your bulges downward into his nook with his psionics. That shouldn’t be too taxing for you to handle. Your bulges are about as sensitive as your nook walls, maybe a bit less- _unless there are electric pressure waves penetrating all the way to the core-_ “Oh my GOD Sollux _slow down_ holy FUCK oh god.” –in which case, judging by empirical evidence, the entirety of the exposed area becomes as sensitive as your seed flap.

You break into a sweat trying to keep your shit together, panting heavily as you force your wildly fluctuating interference pattern back into respectable geometric symmetry. “Okay,” you sigh out in a rush of breath. Having mentally steeled yourself, you snake your way in until you’re just shy of his seed flap. You keep your eyes locked on Sollux, pausing to make sure he’s ready. He takes a deep breath. You wriggle in and out the ring of muscle, and you have to fight back a strong surge of power as his nook walls squeeze around you in response. It’s so good neither of you can stop trilling.

All things considered Nashok is being very patient, but you couldn’t care less about that the instant he starts to push part of the way into your nook. It doesn’t matter how slow he’s going; you _can’t stand it._ Your layer of psionics makes his bulge feel even thicker, _and_ it crackles and vibrates against the walls of your nook. He buzzes long and loud at the psionics thrumming deeply into the flexible muscles of his bulge. Your screaming drowns him out.

For a second there Sollux has to pick up the slack as you threaten to spiral out of control. His power flares up and washes over yours, smoothing out the spikes and gradually damping them down. Thank fuck he still finds it as natural as breathing to use his psionics as an extension of his body instead of having all of his power automatically siphoned off into a million ship functions. Even after you acclimatize yourself to the presence of Nashok’s electrified bulge you’re still teetering on the edge of disaster, trembling against the urge to shove back against him, slam into Sollux and lose what little control you have left. You arch helplessly as Nashok squirms the very tip of his bulge into your seed flap. “Nashok- I can’t- I _can’t_!” You wail plaintively, terrified he won’t take the urgency of your message seriously enough.

“You can, and you will,” Nashok purrs. He must be shithive bananas.

“No _please_ I-”

He mocks your desperation, the sadistic asshole, and you don’t have the mental capacity to fight back. “Is that a _please_ more, or a _please_ stop?”

“I- I don’t _know_!”

“The ground is right there if you need it,” Nashok remarks as if speaking to an exceptionally slow wriggler.

After several embarrassingly long seconds of sex-addled brain fog you finally figure out what the hell he means. Oh wait, the _ground_ , you knew that. And that’s about the time Nashok rudely muscles into your inner slurry cavity without warning and pulls the bulge pretzel trick on your globes again. You come hard, somehow channeling your excess power downward through great fistfuls of earth without toppling the balance on the rest. Just when you think you’ve returned to your senses Nashok constricts around you like he’s trying to take out his stress on a squishy palm-sized model of a planet. He jerks his hips backward, pulling you along with him by the globes, and rhythmically bulldozes you sheath deep into Sollux. You are only vaguely aware of Sollux’s eyes rolling back in his head and the unfortunate patches of grass he scorches to a crisp on either side of him, because Nashok’s rough treatment of your globes is making them clench over and over again so many times it almost hurts.

At last Nashok decides he’s finished with you after he shudders through an orgasm from his thoroughly static-coated bulge alone. He uncoils inside you with a satisfied sigh, unfurling deeper instead of pulling out. He thrashes the electrified tip against the indent of your slurry cavity to test if you’re utterly wrecked enough. All you can do is twitch and moan a little. Yep, that’s a pass.

He slides out of you and paps you on the ass. Does that mean you’re allowed to turn off the wave harmonics thing now? You think you can. You have to nudge Sollux to remind him he can turn it off too. Wait when did that become a background task for you? You think you should feel proud of yourself.

“You see? That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

Spoken like someone who barely has enough spare electrons to stick a balloon to the wall for three seconds. You can just about manage to flip him off. Oh god, you’re so sore. Your nook and globes are aching and you overdid it with your psionics enough to give yourself the start of a headache.

“Good Helmsman, I like it when you don’t argue.” You whimper with pleasure as he leans in to massage the bases of your horns. He leaves you purring as he moves on to perform the same maneuver on Sollux.

After that you kindof lose track of everything. You’ve probably just wasted enough electricity to power a whole city for a week.

***

You don’t remember falling asleep in Sollux’s arms again but it sure is a nice feeling to wake up to. Predictably, every movement hurts as you gingerly extricate yourself and stretch. Ow. Fuck. Ow. Regrets? What regrets? You are grinning as you look around for Nashok and find him sitting up in the crook of his tree, staring off into the middle distance with a pensive furrow in his brow. You fly up, drape yourself across his lap uninvited and coo for attention.

Judging by the fleeting smirk that briefly passes across his face, Nashok didn’t miss the way you winced on the landing. Instead of getting annoyed by your intrusion or greeting you with an insult like you were expecting him to, he uses you as an armrest and starts gently petting the bruise he left on your abdomen with his hand. You are enjoying this too much to question how much Nashok has loosened his stance on quadrant blurring or if this is merely a fleeting truce. You sigh and let yourself go completely boneless like a deflated balloon.

After a pause so long you’ve nearly fallen back asleep, Nashok rumbles seemingly out of nowhere, “I am not sure how I feel about this.”

“Hn?” At first you’re not even sure whether or not he’s actually addressing you, let alone what he’s talking about, but he has your attention.

“I spent all these sweeps thoroughly convinced that you were in your element in space. And yet up until very recently I’ve never heard you laugh quite like you do when you are in the sky. It felt… right. Why? When I picture the Battleship Condescension rendered into one large piece of drifting refuse in your absence… centuries of repairs and maintenance, all meaningless…” His fingers twitch like he’s itching to replace a dead circuitboard grub.

Your bloodpusher jumps into your throat and you stare at him, astonished by every second that passes without him taking it back. Slowly sitting up, you curl into his chest and respond in a voice barely above a whisper. “That is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Signless was right, he was always right, bless him. There is hope left for everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY. This fic was sitting in my harddrive unfinished pretty much since the day after Pitch Flirting and a Hand Massage was posted.


End file.
